Top 5 discussion topics when you don't really want to know shit about somebody:
1) Weather
Oh, weather. The old small talk standby. How I despise talking about the weather! There's really nothing clever you can say that isn't a terrific cliché and you never learn anything interesting or useful by talking about it. It's the epitome of bullshit, and I hate it.
2) Careers
Asking about somebody's career is a way of getting information about them. But it's not really getting into their heart, or even their head. People take careers for money, because they feel they're supposed to, or because they fell into them. They're not always, or even commonly, because the person is passionate about what they do. But they'll no doubt want to show off what they know, relay some workplace anecdotes, talk about their big city dreams of success and notoriety -- which, if nothing else, is a great time waster, and not nearly as boring as the weather.
3) Current Events
Purely informational. Opinions gleamed from such conversations aren't to be trusted, because they're based on the skew of the information. Anything you think learn about a person from a discussion of current events should be taken with a grain of salt...unless the conversation turns political. Which is might. If nothing else, current events are a good jump off for such a discussion...just make sure you can maintain your composure and your tact. Nothing generates hate like cross politics...except maybe religion.
4) Sports
People have favorite teams and favorite players and teams, sports, players that they hate. But the hatred and favoritism is irrational. Favorite teams are often a result of style, acclaim and geography, and not a person's essence. Favorite players are sometimes a result of hero worship over a player with a similar worldview, and occasionally they're just the result of picking the guy with the best record. There's no insight into a person's personality to be had by asking whether they prefer Dominick Hasek or Jean-Sebastien Giguere. I prefer Hasek's nimble save's to Giguere's synchronous ones, but that doesn't really impact my personality at all. Doesn't mean I'm typing this more nimbly, or snubbing lucky adjectives when they come to me.
Still, a lot of people like to talk about sports. There's a lot of room for harmless disagreement BECAUSE spectator sports don't really affect a person. Sport debates are heated and at the end of them there's no hard feelings. This is what makes them such popular bar themes.
5) Clothing, looks and style
Clothing is one of the elemental necessities of humanity...but it's also the easiest and most readily disguised aspect of personality. A guy in a leather jacket and hair down to his ass may be the world's biggest sweetheart. A guy in a clean, crisp suit may be the world's biggest dick. The point is, you know nothing about a person from their style choice, other than how much they care about style, and even THAT can be posed and fake (Right, American Eagle?).
This is why style kids seem so vapid. They're real people with real ideas and real emotions -- they just never come up.
Top 5 discussion topics for really getting to know somebody:
1) Music
You can ask somebody about art, movies, books, and pretty much any other form of media, and chances are they either won't have much of an opinion or will defer to a stock viewpoint on whatever they have most recently experienced. It takes so much knowledge and time to get into film or art that it really isn't worth it for a lot of people -- and others just reiterate whatever their friends think.
But music...everybody has favorites, everybody has opinions, and they're great reflections on a person's worldview. Think what you know about a person just by discovering their car stereo tuned to a country station -- or college radio. Think what you know about a person when you discover they're not into "anything in particular."
Musical interest can of course be posed, and faked, but you can generally fish that out quickly. The old standby from middle school is naming members of the band. If your conversational partner looks lost...hey, they're caught on the lie.
2) Food
Food is a window into a person's passions. Eating is political, social, spiritual, emotional...it's a basic, elemental concept, and it's not generally posed or protected like clothing or shelter. You can tell how bohemian or healthy or dedicated to animal rights a person is. You can tell how much they like to show off or experiment. You can tell if they're a picky bitch. Eating is important!
3) Religion
Don't fuck with a man's religion, or lack thereof. Arguing religion's a lot like telemarketing...there's a lot of annoyance for the rare gains. There is pretty much no chance that you'll change a devout person's mind. And a doubter's mind is so easily changed -- and changed back -- that there's no reason to do so. Convince a real doubter there's no reason not to eat pork, and he'll be abstaining again first time his mother finds out. And the fact is, though religious beliefs are one of the easiest things to fake and pose, it's also really easy to tell a poseur from a real nut.
Religion is great for getting to know somebody, because they'll attribute their own beliefs to their diety. If a person doesn't like homosexuals, then their god hates f_gs. If a person doesn't own much, then greed is the first step to their hell. Personally, I believe in that everything is the result of everything else -- sort of like a Materialist with Newtons' Second Law on infinite repeat. So I'm inclined to look for the cause of everything. Hence this post.
Oh, and if you bring up religion, make DAMN sure you don't turn it into a pissing contest. Your views are seperate from theres, and they're equal. You THINK you're RIGHT, you don't KNOW they're WRONG. Making such "absolute verities" into possible uncertainties saves you from the wrath of whatever diety or dieties controls those truths.
4) Politics
Politics are in a lot of ways the real morality these days. Not "thou shalt not steal," but "thou shalt only steal when it's legal." Not "thou shalt not kill," but "here's a list of when it's okay to kill." As such, people's politics are windows into what people really feel.
I know...politicians are fakers and poseurs of the worst kind. Not really. If you talk to one, you can drive him into corners where he either has to tow the line or admit what he really feels. Take, for example, the homeless. Most politicians couldn't care less about what happens to them...but the subject is a big jingoist liberal hotbutton. Push it and watch where a guy goes. If he heads along the line without straying, chances are he doesn't care. If he tosses in real ideas and real insight, chances are he does. This is how you figure out what people really want, what people really feel -- by analyzing the originality and insight of their responses. If they're typical, it's obvious the response was memorized to give the appearance of deep social understanding. If they're atypical, they're probably the result of real thought, real problem solving.
It's my opinion that a lot of staunch Republicans just want to keep up the bourgeois tax breaks and intolerance of the 20th Century. And that a lot of card carrying Democrats just want people to like them for their perceived humanity and liberalism -- or to make a crash grab off others that want this. Any political wit beyond this archetype I generally take at face value.
Be careful when you argue politics. There is an opportunity to turn redfaced with rage over the discordant worldview your colleagues posess. There's also the chance to look like a total asshole in front of future friends and lovers. The best way to play is edgewise, like religion. Start small. Don't jump from the topic of welfare reform straight into a concession of your crippling racism. For some reason people can be put off by this.
5) Underwear choice
Actually, I just needed something to round out the 5. But there is a lot you can tell from underwear, and I don't even mean cues about a person's sensuality or devotion to hygiene. I mean that a person's reaction to the subject is telling. It's a topic that's innocent, yet flirtateous, and therefore it probes levels of intimatacy and ease. A lengthy, truthful answer is a sign of safety. A curt or glib response is a sign that you should probably stick to asking about the weather. And it's a great icebreaker...if a tad cliché. It's a way to cull out the truly chickenshit. And it begs a response in turn -- which makes it something akin to a conversational blood pact. At the end of the conversation about underwear, you're almost guaranteed a better bond -- or an addition to you enemies list. Conversations about farting are good for this, too.