Hi. My long history of posting realistic, thoughtful and well written comments on the Slashdot news website has reached the critical mass needed to attract retards with nothing better to do but insult people who think before typing. This is really exciting, because you're never really anybody until you piss somebody off. I'm moving up in the world, man. Like George Jefferson, or Johnny Rotten.
If you came to my website hoping to find things to insult me about, you're in luck. I've decided to make your job a whole lot easier. Here is a list of laughable shit about me and my life:
Here is a picture of me and my wife from 8 years ago. You might want to make fun of how big my thighs are, or how white my skin is. Also, my haircuts sucks and maybe I should wear socks with my docksiders so I don't smell so much.
Here is a Dragonball Z wig I made for my little brother when he was 11. I didn't do a very good job and of course only morons like Dragonball Z or do things with their siblings. Also, I lived in a basement, probably because nobody wanted to smell me upstairs, hu hu.
Here is a picture of me at my wedding. That little beard thing isn't very good looking, is it? I'm sure you can find something hilarious to say about it. And wow, what a mammoth I was, whew! I must about 600 pounds there, I can barely fit in that tarpaulin of a tuxedo!
Here is my desk at my old job. It's pretty messy, huh? And a Simpsons woodcut, what a DORK I am. Jeez.
Here is my little dog. I love my dog, and that is of course really lame. I'm sure you think she's quite ugly as well, right? Maybe you could threaten to harm her in some way...that's something you internet guys do, right? Unsubstantiatable threats?
Here I am, proving what an ugly, bad haircut, never shaving fat fuck of a faggot I am. But I encourage you to use your own words. These are merely suggestions.
Here is my cat. Only fat homos take pictures of cats. And what is that, a USB cable? Only fat homos use USB.
And here is a special one, just for you. Keep up the good work, guys. I'm better with you on the job.